Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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