i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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