I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
