I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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