He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
