are you still at the devil's house?
I just threw up on my dentist
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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