I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
