ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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