Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
