I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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