i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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