the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
