Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
