sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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