drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
