woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
