I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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