Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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