he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My ass is underappreciated
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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