this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
