A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
