I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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