just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
