dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
