If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
