Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
