if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
