We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
