I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
