oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
