i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
