Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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