my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
