I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have feelings that need drinking.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
