your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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