I heard we made out
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Alive.
So much puke
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
