Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
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