if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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