kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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