You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
