Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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