My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
that's an acceptable place to lick
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
