my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
