boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
