Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
not ubering you a puppy
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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