Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
