We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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