i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
