Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
