I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
