This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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