Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
