i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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