Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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