Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
