i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
